look out world....

well, we are on the couch via request per charles. (it is his birthday afterall!) As always, never a dull moment. we cleaned and assembled the fish tank last night through his headache. by bedtime he was hurting pretty bad.  I was hoping he slept it off. nope. woke up about 430 with the bed soaking wet (a nightly issue at this point) he still has a headache. :( the doctor said last time we went in that if they happen more often than weekly to bring him back. she also said "he may just be one of those people prone to headaches." naturally, this comment doesn't satisfy me. i know headaches are insanely complicated....ugh. they don't make him throw up, so that's good i guess. i will start another headache diary today.
My nose buried is in my studies. I'm sorry I haven't been a good daughter, wife, mom, granddaughter, niece, cousin, whatever....I wonder why I'm doing this too often. building debt and not spending most precious time with my family during these precious times that go so FAST!!!! and if it is going to be 6-7 years before I AM working as a nurse, i will be working 12 hour crappy shifts, STILL missing out on my boys' lives. But, i know I can't do massage forever. my body won't sustain that. plus, there is too much drama at my work! of course, I know drama is everywhere. It is killing me to know I could be a better Mom if I didn't have school consuming me. (which wouldn't happen if I had done it right the first time around, but I'm not that smart. Intelligence would help, but I missed that train too.) Can't I just go back to working in a restaurant or something! Maybe I can work in science field somewhere as an assistant, or ..eesh, i don't know..must get off this horse.
PS, dad said he heard a thunder clap yesterday! Told him it was Grandpa saying HI! :)
Alright, going to get an hour of study in before the rest of them awake! Love you guys.